'Don't Gaslight Yourself, Matthew...'

A few weeks ago, I shared on Instagram/Facebook about an experience I had in which somebody drove by my house and shouted "faggot" at me as I was pulling groceries out of my car.

I waited a few days before I shared about that event. Because I wasn't sure I needed to talk about. Because I told myself that it wasn't that big of a deal. Because compared to the hatred that other people experienced, it was nothing. Because maybe I was overreacting.

When I finally did write about it, I chose my words carefully, not wanting to overplay my feelings about what happened.

Upon sharing, I received so many comments from people, and they were all so kind and affirming.

But the comment I remember most came from my friend Kathy. She wrote these words:

"It’s a small thing, and it’s not. It’s not a small thing to weaponize your identity to harm you, to create fear. Be kind to yourself, Matthew. Don’t gaslight yourself into believing this is “not a big deal in comparison to” because white supremacy wants us to believe there is a competition and comparison of oppression and hate."

The part of Kathy's message that stuck out to me was this line: Don't gaslight yourself.