The cost of coming out... part 1

I've never met one person who didn't lose something when they came out. They lose friends. The lose family. They lose jobs. They lose opportunity. They lose something. The stories vary of course. What they lose varies too. But the loss of something, sometimes temporarily, is almost baked into the process.

Every single day.

That's how often I think about what I lost when I came out.

I know that some people will be tempted to say, but think about all that you've gained. Think about the good things that have happened to you. Focus on what's positive.

Commentary like this isn't offensive to me; I just find it unrealistic.

Because, of course, I think about all the good that has occurred. I actually do that a lot, far more than I focus on what’s hard.

But our lives made up of all kinds of stories, good stories and hard stories, everyday stories that aren't exactly good but they're also not hard, they just are. For me, acknowledging the harder stories isn't a diminishment of the good or easier stories.

I acknowledge and consider the more difficult parts of my coming out narrative because I can't ignore the grief and pain that I feel because of what I've lost.

My father hasn't talked to me since the spring of 2020.